Status Updates From Idiots

November 30, 2010

Captain Dingleberry’s Rapist’s Wit

DrunkenStepFather – “COMMENT OF THE DAY CONTEST OF THE DAY: What’s better? A . raping a pregnant woman is not as bad as raping a non-pregnant chick, because the jury will always be thinking “She’s fucked already”. Or at least that is what I am hoping. OR B – julianne moore is so effin hot that if she had a yeast infestion i would eat ginger bread.”

– Guess what everybody? I found another hilarious celebrity blog called Drunken Stepfather. Not to be confused with www.wwtdd.com , which Stepfather clearly doesn’t rip off. If you’ve never heard of this blog then don’t worry, it’s as stupid as shit. Take his status update for example doesn’t it just cry “I’m a homophobic dick-pit that thinks: A. rape is funny & B. Julianne Moore Uncle Fester’s daughter is so effin hot that I’d eat herpes off a crack whore’s floppy beef curtains just to prove I’m worth it”. Then again I wouldn’t be surprised if his stepfather use to play the “Get over here so I can have sex with your little boy butt” game every Saturday night. Do us all a favor Captain Dingleberry and piss off a mobster whose mother was raped.

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August 21, 2010

America! F*ck Yeah!

Filed under: comedy, Shut Up — Tags: , , , , , , , , — youneed2stop @ 6:59 pm

Sarah ***** – “Dr. Laura:don’t retreat….reload! (Steps aside bc her 1st Amend. rights ceased 2exist thx 2activists trying 2silence”isn’t American,not fair”)”

– This really, really, really smart status update comes to us from a misinformed righteous knucklehead lady who would’ve been the 44th VP and quite possibly the next candidate for president of America. She’s intelligent, beautiful, and represents the everyday working class mom (I know this because that’s how I feel in my heart and Fox News told me so.) And then there’s the truth.

If America had elected (or elects) this lady into office then we’ve truly long jumped over the age of Idiocracy and b-lined it straight into the age of Retardation. I mean she has the writing skills of her Forest Gumped baby daughter’s baby. Oh and Sarah’s defending the very white Dr. Laura (radio host) who wonders why black people can say “nigger” and white people can’t. Dr. Laura then proceeded to chant “nigger”, because the constitution told her so, while Sarah and lots of other awkward white people gave each other high fives as they chanted “Go Laura. Go Laura. Go, Go, Go Laura”.

August 19, 2010

The “Madly in Love” Updater

Filed under: comedy — Tags: , , , , — youneed2stop @ 7:45 am

Shelbi ********* – “Last night was one of those many nights I will never forget. I love u so much!!!”

– I feel ya sister, or at least everything up until the “I love u so much!!!” part. (would it kill you to put a y & o in the word “you”?) I snuck into my ex-whorefriends house last night and let me tell you it was un-for-gett-able. I started the night off by taking a gorilla sized upper decker in the bathroom. Put super glue on her vibrator and stuck it up the cats, Dr. Chuggles, ass. Used her computer to post an ad on Craigslist under the Casual Encounters section: “Wanted: Beefcake Genie to fulfill Homealone fantasy. Need a man to break into my place at 3:00 AM, shove a tennis ball in my mouth, shave my head, and tie me to a chair. What happens next is up to you! wink” After I checked her email I went into the kitchen and washed all the dishes; well all except one. And then left. The moral of the story is that you suck.

July 27, 2010

I Heart Movies Too!

Filed under: comedy — Tags: , , — youneed2stop @ 8:45 am

Shelbi ********** – “My amazing man + great movies= a great relaxing weekend & healing time.”

– Shelbi, you just dropped some serious deja vu on my ass. My girlfriend and I just had a delightful weekend of watching movies, eating popcorn and acting out our favorite scenes (which is always fun foreplay.) Our favorite movie by far was this art house film called The Human Centipede.

It’s a heartbreaking tale about a lonely German Doctor finding true love with two girls and one Chinese dude. His love was so great that he stopped at nothing to show them a sexy good time. One day (while he was nursing the bitchy patients back to health in his basement, in the middle of the woods, in the middle of Germany) the good Doctor unveiled his passion project to the gang. His mission was to show them an ultra sexy good time by: lining them up on all fours, sowing their mouths to each others buttholes, and connect everybody via their gastric systems. My lips are sealed as to what happens next (hint: it’s the SEXY must see event of the year with Oscar bait written all over it. You heard it here first.)

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