Status Updates From Idiots

June 23, 2011

Bible Baby

Filed under: comedy — Tags: , , , — youneed2stop @ 8:46 pm

Michelle ****** – “Looks like baby Noah is on his way! Water just broke! Lord willing and everything goes okay I will be an aunt again today!!!!”

– Noah. Water. Lord. Sounds like somebody’s been brushing up on their Bible stories. It’s a shame she didn’t elaborate though – so many unanswered questions — head… is…. spinning. Like did baby Noah ride an Ark, or maybe a Huckleberry Finnish raft w/ Black Man in tow, out of his Momma’s vajaja? How did you hear about the “good news”? Did a white dove surprise you with the bloody umbilical cord? Will he live to be 950 years old too? Woah! Now I kinda want to have a Bible baby. First things first though — learn how to properly have sex.

November 24, 2009

Hump Day

Filed under: comedy — Tags: , , — youneed2stop @ 5:52 am

Lauren ****** – “Happy mid-week sexual euphemism day!”

–  Since when did Wednesday become the day of sex? Did I miss the memo? I’m more of a Monday afternoon man myself…. Ohhh wait a minute…. hold the phone right there….. You’re talking about “Hump Day”, cause that’s what two people do when they have sex, they “hump”. And here I was thinking that there’s a secret sex day everybody knew about except me. Lauren your Wit went right over my head, bravo!  I bet you also came up with”Sunday Funday” too. Genius and not at all annoying.

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