Status Updates From Idiots

February 23, 2011

He Doesn’t Get It

Filed under: comedy — Tags: , , , — youneed2stop @ 5:42 pm

Wilbur ******** – “why did i fall in love for just to end up feeling shitty like this” and 2 minutes later he posted this “wont answser her phone this is so damn messed up its not even funny”

– First of all, Wilbur, you fell in love because that’s what people do…. we fall in love. Now, the best remedy for a broken heart is to f*ck a tubby crack whore. As you’re humping her catchers mitt of a vagina you’ll realize “wait a minute…. I am cool. I can do better than this”. Secondly, your ex won’t answer your calls because at some point she realized she was dating a guy named after the Charlotte’s Web pig. I suggest you keep calling, stalking, and updating, she’ll come wind sprinting back to you in no time.

January 14, 2010

Good Grief

Filed under: You think we care? — Tags: , , , , — youneed2stop @ 8:37 pm

Damon ******** – “Working, again and making great $$$$$. I like everyone I work with and we all get along really well. Yet, something seems missing. Life is much better when you have someone to share your success with. Someone who appreciates you and truly loves you unconditionally with all her heart. Is his still possible???”

– Anybody ever wonder what Charlie Brown would be like when he’s older? You know post Snoopy? I picture Damon a lot like Charlie…. mustache, bald, personality of a floppy boner, bought a cat and named it Loopy, and just recently discovered how to update his status like a 40 year old virgin.

November 3, 2009

Crack or Cocaine

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , — youneed2stop @ 6:20 am

Pantea ******** is “has a castle in the clouds. come wander with me love…”

– So I take it you just took your first hit of crack cocaine, while wandering through skid row at 3:00 AM. Listen, Pantea I’m not going to make fun of you or your name, what I am going to do is warn you about mixing crack and cocaine. It’s a very deadly combination that has taken many lives, like my friend Barry, his dog, and ferret. I suggest you just stick to one or the other. Trust me it’s a lot safer that way, or else you’ll find yourself playing Frogger with a street racing gang that likes to kill people with their cars.

 

October 27, 2009

You Suck

Filed under: Please Stop Talking — Tags: , , , , — youneed2stop @ 7:20 am

Amy ******** –¬† “L-is for the way you look at me O-is for the only one I see V-is very very, extraordinary E-is even more than anyone that you adore LOVE for the BIG D.” ūüôā

–¬† Y – is for I can tell You’re not good at anything¬† O – is for Oh my goodness I didn’t know you did fun favors for money¬† U – is for Uranus and the planet I wished you lived on¬† S – is for Sorry about backhanding yo’ll trick ass¬† U – is for Utah and you’re Ugly¬† C – is for I just Caught a sick Cat eating a Carrot while wearing a winter Coat¬† K – is for Keep writing updates that we adore. YOU SUCK Big A! :9

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