Status Updates From Idiots

November 30, 2010

Captain Dingleberry’s Rapist’s Wit

DrunkenStepFather – “COMMENT OF THE DAY CONTEST OF THE DAY: What’s better? A . raping a pregnant woman is not as bad as raping a non-pregnant chick, because the jury will always be thinking “She’s fucked already”. Or at least that is what I am hoping. OR B – julianne moore is so effin hot that if she had a yeast infestion i would eat ginger bread.”

– Guess what everybody? I found another hilarious celebrity blog called Drunken Stepfather. Not to be confused with www.wwtdd.com , which Stepfather clearly doesn’t rip off. If you’ve never heard of this blog then don’t worry, it’s as stupid as shit. Take his status update for example doesn’t it just cry “I’m a homophobic dick-pit that thinks: A. rape is funny & B. Julianne Moore Uncle Fester’s daughter is so effin hot that I’d eat herpes off a crack whore’s floppy beef curtains just to prove I’m worth it”. Then again I wouldn’t be surprised if his stepfather use to play the “Get over here so I can have sex with your little boy butt” game every Saturday night. Do us all a favor Captain Dingleberry and piss off a mobster whose mother was raped.

October 26, 2010

LOL! That Is Funny

Filed under: comedy, Please Stop Talking — Tags: , , , , , — youneed2stop @ 6:12 am

Amanda ******** – “ok one more day before I leave for CHICAGO!!!!! I think there is much to be done but its ok it will all get done and if it doesnt then who cares becuase I get to see some of my family tomorrow and my sisters baby belly (which I am hopeing to be quite large LOL)”

– I wonder if Mark Zuckerberg wouldn’t mind adding a mandatory IQ test to Facebook. Wouldn’t that be badass? You could view all your chums IQ scores on their homepage and leave comments like “Well aren’t you sharp as a tack ;9”. Of course you’ll have people like Amanduhhhhhhh who’ll find ways to piss on your party of happiness by scoring lower than a dead person and failing. Amandumb, the only reason I’m poking fun at your intelligence is because you’re moving to Chicago in the winter…… and the comment you made about “there is much to be done but it’s ok”………..  and the comment you made about your sisters baby belly, which I’m convinced is a knapsack of Kraft Singles that she ‘accidentally’ swallowed.

May 9, 2010

Yeah…. This Didn’t Happen

Filed under: comedy, Please Stop Talking — Tags: , — youneed2stop @ 11:22 pm

Judalina – “Spent the evening waiting on/drinking with, some agents at UTA + a comedy central showrunner + a writer/director. Life is weird.”

– Let’s be honest here “waiting on/drinking with” are not the same thing. In fact they’re so opposite that even Wrong Shoe Timmy, who always puts his shoes on the wrong foot, knew the difference between being a waitress and hanging out. Wrong Shoe told me that he’s seen waitresses like this being pig roasted (by important Executives) over open fryer’s and urineals, back when he was a fumbling cook. Wrong Shoe Timmy then put a left red sneaker on his right foot and walked away. I guess life is weird…. when you try to make yourself seem more important than you really are.

May 5, 2010

Butt-Mopping

Filed under: Please Stop Talking — youneed2stop @ 6:33 am

Maria ***** – “I’m surrounded by some pretty talented and amazing artist! I AM SO BLESSED.”

– People who wear tan corduroy pants, maroon Members Only jackets, and black rimmed glasses are the biggest jackoffs in the world; not “artists”. They’re the dickwads who constantly remind us of how funny or artistic they think they are and then shove some shit in our faces and expect us to tell them it’s gold. They’re annoying as f*ck, suck at life, and should be working the front desk of a Roto Rooter. P.S. there’s a reason nobody goes to your Shows; it’s because your “art” stinks like a bums taint.

– Now to the person who feels “BLESSED” to be around these worldly majestic beings: M’am, I can tell you’re about as bright as an ash tray for believing their horse shit lies, so it wouldn’t surprise me if your part time job was butt-mopping Cheetah’s Gentlemen’s Club at 6:00 AM.

April 23, 2010

Larry King, Tiger Woods…and Gay Marriage

Filed under: Please Stop Talking — Tags: , , , , , , , — youneed2stop @ 5:58 pm

To Everybody Who Posted This – “Just saying, Larry King is getting his 8th divorce, Elizabeth Taylor is possibly getting married for a 9th time, Jesse James and Tiger Woods are screwing EVERYTHING, yet the idea of same-sex marriage is what is going to destroy the institution of marriage?? REALLY?? Feel free to copy and paste if you agree!”

– The grundel responsible for posting this butt spew belongs on a one way shortbus to “Dumber-Than-Retard-Shit-ville”. I’d love to know how one goes about comparing multimillion dollar celebrity marriages to same sex marriage? Cause God knows celebrity marriages have EVERYTHING to do with gay rights. In fact, lets assume that ALL gay couples have billions of dollars and Gatorade commercials. What’s that? REALLY?? Not all gay dudes/dudettes piss pirate maps and shit treasure chests. Try Googling statistics based on the middle class divorce rate next time and argue those points for gay marriage. Just saying…..

Side note – This update doesn’t necessarily support gay marriage, but rather condemn it to the “Our Lives Are F**ked Up, So Let’s F**k Up Someone Else’s” category. Feel free to copy if you agree!

April 22, 2010

An Update From Mom’s Oven Mitt

Filed under: Please Stop Talking — Tags: , , , — youneed2stop @ 5:38 pm

Amalie ****** – “springtime is the land awakening. the march winds are the morning yawn.”

– yeah, we’ve heard this little ditty before. “……. the march winds are the morning yawn. The summer air smells like armpit hair. Fall breeze makes you cut the cheese. The winter’s slumber makes you that much dumber.” Sounds idiotic and pointless, doesn’t it? Stop posting shit that’s not on your mind.

February 16, 2010

Chubby Talk

Filed under: Please Stop Talking — Tags: , , — youneed2stop @ 6:32 am

Summer ***********  – “hubby took her shopping for fat girl clothes today. Just one pair of pants to last me until I’m back in my smaller sizes. The maternity ones are getting too big. I guess that’s a good thing since I’m not pregnant anymore……”

– Listen Ladies, updating your status about being fat is getting crazy old. You don’t hear Snooky from the Jeresy Shore or Mexican Ms. Pacman bitch about how fat they feel after eating a shit load of noodles and burritos (and they’re chubby gals). And my Gawd your poor hubby who has to sit there and listen to you cry about being fat, while using your pregnancy as an excuse for blowing up like a f**king air baloon. You kicked sexy out the door when you decided to be a Mom, so start acting like one tubby.

January 22, 2010

Ian and the Beast

Filed under: Please Stop Talking — Tags: — youneed2stop @ 6:29 am

Ian *********** – is “I think we are drawn to dogs because they are the uninhibited creatures we might be if we weren’t certain we knew better.  They fight for honor at the first challenge, make love with no moral restraint, and they do not for all their marvelous instincts”

– This is the point where one of your buddies asks you if you’ve ever done the hibbity jibbity with a dog before. And of course you awkwardly laugh it off with a “lol. gross”…. until, your buddy gets you hammered one night and you mumble “kjasfjslfjdesres……. DOG…. asdkfjsafjwef…. TONGUE….. woervsaiwoiurhnfaf…. PEANUT BUTTER….. asfhwueinvjsiaf…..NUT SACK awwwwwwww feels so good man.”

January 6, 2010

Yup! She Posted This….

Filed under: Please Stop Talking — Tags: , , , — youneed2stop @ 7:39 pm

Kahla ****** – “Hi I have killed my virtual fish because Fbook would not let me log on!! Please someone go to Fish World and revive the fish in my 2 tanks! Thanks! (seems silly I know but my pretend fish help me relax)”

– Ever wonder why other countries hate us so much? I’m guessing it’s because people like Kahla think it’s ok to play with internet fish instead of owning real ones. Silly isn’t the right word for this update….. F*CKING DUMB is more appropriate. Kahla, your name is going to be written down in the history books, alongside Sarah Palin’s, as to why America’s going to end up on the wrong end of a fat man’s constipated ass.

November 20, 2009

You’re Never Going To Believe This…..

Filed under: Please Stop Talking — Tags: , , , — youneed2stop @ 6:23 pm

Kahla *********** – is “OH HEY!! guess what i heard this morning! a guy is opening TWO yogurt places in Alpine AND they are going to be the “weigh it at the end” ones, yummmmm can’t wait! i may even trade my Starbucks habit in for a yogurt habit!” :q

– I haven’t the slightest… what did you hear? Yogurt in Alpine? NO F**KING WAY! OMG!!!! YUMMMMM!!!! I can finally stop buying that shit from the Trench Coat Guy who lurks around the Kmart parking lot. Thank you Kahla! Not only are your conversation skills with NOBODY impressive, but your enthusiasm over a Yogurt stand is truly the gayest thing I’ve ever read. :9

Older Posts »

Create a free website or blog at WordPress.com.