Status Updates From Idiots

February 23, 2011

He Doesn’t Get It

Filed under: comedy — Tags: , , , — youneed2stop @ 5:42 pm

Wilbur ******** – “why did i fall in love for just to end up feeling shitty like this” and 2 minutes later he posted this “wont answser her phone this is so damn messed up its not even funny”

– First of all, Wilbur, you fell in love because that’s what people do…. we fall in love. Now, the best remedy for a broken heart is to f*ck a tubby crack whore. As you’re humping her catchers mitt of a vagina you’ll realize “wait a minute…. I am cool. I can do better than this”. Secondly, your ex won’t answer your calls because at some point she realized she was dating a guy named after the Charlotte’s Web pig. I suggest you keep calling, stalking, and updating, she’ll come wind sprinting back to you in no time.

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February 19, 2011

A Woman On The Go

Filed under: comedy — Tags: , , , — youneed2stop @ 4:23 am

Plain Jane – “I just bought something I have wanted for a long period of time. I will get to use it sometime this week. Hopefully it’s pretty easy to use, super excited. It’s a good time to buy stuff. I am also Birthday/ Christmas shopping and lets just say It is really hard buying people stuff…You just never know if they will like it or not. It is very stressful! LOL”

– For those of you inquiring, no, this is not my 2nd grade sentence assignment. In fact this piece of Shakespearean literature comes to us from a modern day Lady on the go. So it’s only fitting that I share a poem I wrote for people like Jane. Granted, I wrote this back in the ’80’s for my busy-body Mom who always fancied her career over my love. So Jane you have to ask yourself “am I the woman in the poem?”

“I’m a woman of the 80’s I’m suppose to have it all…. To juggle twenty things at once and really have a ball! I’m supposed to be assertive and to stay in tip top shape, I’m supposed to have a great career and make the perfect crepe! I’m supposed to have a make-over to have a model’s looks, See all the latest movies and be up on current books. I’m a woman of the ’80’s, I’m supposed to be so free…. But all I REALLY want to be is absolutely ME!’

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