Status Updates From Idiots

August 21, 2010

America! F*ck Yeah!

Filed under: comedy, Shut Up — Tags: , , , , , , , , — youneed2stop @ 6:59 pm

Sarah ***** – “Dr. Laura:don’t retreat….reload! (Steps aside bc her 1st Amend. rights ceased 2exist thx 2activists trying 2silence”isn’t American,not fair”)”

– This really, really, really smart status update comes to us from a misinformed righteous knucklehead lady who would’ve been the 44th VP and quite possibly the next candidate for president of America. She’s intelligent, beautiful, and represents the everyday working class mom (I know this because that’s how I feel in my heart and Fox News told me so.) And then there’s the truth.

If America had elected (or elects) this lady into office then we’ve truly long jumped over the age of Idiocracy and b-lined it straight into the age of Retardation. I mean she has the writing skills of her Forest Gumped baby daughter’s baby. Oh and Sarah’s defending the very white Dr. Laura (radio host) who wonders why black people can say “nigger” and white people can’t. Dr. Laura then proceeded to chant “nigger”, because the constitution told her so, while Sarah and lots of other awkward white people gave each other high fives as they chanted “Go Laura. Go Laura. Go, Go, Go Laura”.

August 19, 2010

The “Madly in Love” Updater

Filed under: comedy — Tags: , , , , — youneed2stop @ 7:45 am

Shelbi ********* – “Last night was one of those many nights I will never forget. I love u so much!!!”

– I feel ya sister, or at least everything up until the “I love u so much!!!” part. (would it kill you to put a y & o in the word “you”?) I snuck into my ex-whorefriends house last night and let me tell you it was un-for-gett-able. I started the night off by taking a gorilla sized upper decker in the bathroom. Put super glue on her vibrator and stuck it up the cats, Dr. Chuggles, ass. Used her computer to post an ad on Craigslist under the Casual Encounters section: “Wanted: Beefcake Genie to fulfill Homealone fantasy. Need a man to break into my place at 3:00 AM, shove a tennis ball in my mouth, shave my head, and tie me to a chair. What happens next is up to you! wink” After I checked her email I went into the kitchen and washed all the dishes; well all except one. And then left. The moral of the story is that you suck.

Chazz Is Back

Filed under: comedy — Tags: , , , , — youneed2stop @ 6:23 am

Joe ******* – “‎5 hours into vacation and drunk off of wine…mom ditched me for bed and now I’m waiting on this guy to call before I call it a night. I guess I’ll keep on drinking….”

– If this guy isn’t the spitting image of the cartoon watching, meatloaf eating, nunchucking Chazz (Wedding Crashers) then I’ll personally eat a grill cheese sandwich out of Rosie O’Donnell’s fat swampy ass. In the middle of July. In the muggy state of Louisiana. Preferably in the picnic area of a gator farm. Of course the only difference between Jo and Chazz is that Chazz pulls a shitload of butt, while Jo has sex with his hands and a Long John Silvers napkin.

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