Status Updates From Idiots

April 30, 2010

When Spelling Goes Wrong!

Filed under: Uncategorized — youneed2stop @ 2:16 am

Frankie **********  “i knew they was bullshittin me!! and just to think i never thought….like them italians say….faget about it!!”

–I’m sure the Italians would be really pissed that you’re calling them such a homophobic slur.  Not bullshittin you either.

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April 25, 2010

So Many Meanings…

Filed under: Uncategorized — youneed2stop @ 5:52 pm

Jen ******** “is so sore!”

–I mean come on… really.  What were you in the bang bus, on reality kings, brazzers?  Your next post should be, “I’m so pregnant!”

Double Jeopardy!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , — youneed2stop @ 1:04 am

Ronnie ******** “baby mama drama folks!!!! i aint never going bak to illinois!!! aint tryin to go bak to prison for life!!! to all my folks yall here me gangsta!! wish i could put one in the air fo my dog but like i said i aint goin fa murda ya heard me!! six up get at big folks!!”

–This can fall in the category of being slightly racist, but I think we all know who posted this.  I’m pretty sure this person isn’t currently doing any type of cancer research or charity work.  Not sure if someone died or if someone is going to die and if said person is someone’s baby mama?  Seriously this could be used in a court of law and people should realize that posting things in this nature could ultimately lead to 25-life… yall.

April 23, 2010

Larry King, Tiger Woods…and Gay Marriage

Filed under: Please Stop Talking — Tags: , , , , , , , — youneed2stop @ 5:58 pm

To Everybody Who Posted This – “Just saying, Larry King is getting his 8th divorce, Elizabeth Taylor is possibly getting married for a 9th time, Jesse James and Tiger Woods are screwing EVERYTHING, yet the idea of same-sex marriage is what is going to destroy the institution of marriage?? REALLY?? Feel free to copy and paste if you agree!”

– The grundel responsible for posting this butt spew belongs on a one way shortbus to “Dumber-Than-Retard-Shit-ville”. I’d love to know how one goes about comparing multimillion dollar celebrity marriages to same sex marriage? Cause God knows celebrity marriages have EVERYTHING to do with gay rights. In fact, lets assume that ALL gay couples have billions of dollars and Gatorade commercials. What’s that? REALLY?? Not all gay dudes/dudettes piss pirate maps and shit treasure chests. Try Googling statistics based on the middle class divorce rate next time and argue those points for gay marriage. Just saying…..

Side note – This update doesn’t necessarily support gay marriage, but rather condemn it to the “Our Lives Are F**ked Up, So Let’s F**k Up Someone Else’s” category. Feel free to copy if you agree!

April 22, 2010

An Update From Mom’s Oven Mitt

Filed under: Please Stop Talking — Tags: , , , — youneed2stop @ 5:38 pm

Amalie ****** – “springtime is the land awakening. the march winds are the morning yawn.”

– yeah, we’ve heard this little ditty before. “……. the march winds are the morning yawn. The summer air smells like armpit hair. Fall breeze makes you cut the cheese. The winter’s slumber makes you that much dumber.” Sounds idiotic and pointless, doesn’t it? Stop posting shit that’s not on your mind.

April 20, 2010

This is a Real Person…

Prince R***** M********* “ok so much for my dreamcatcher cuz i keep having bad dreams. seems like mine is doing the opposite effect. fuckin shit!”

–Okay… I really wanted to include this person’s whole name because it is absurd.  Let me make a few observations. Nobody is named Prince unless your Dad was a king, your Dad was the King of Pop. Don’t expect us to call you Prince.  You were never in a raspberry beret, a red Corvette and don’t even try to change your name to a symbol.  I hope the dreams you’re having are from Princes who are pissed about you calling yourself a Prince or even better from The Prince of Persia… they’re doing anything to market that movie cause it’s going to be terrible.

He’s So Sweet

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , — youneed2stop @ 8:29 am

Justin ******** – “if i had wings and i could fly,i would still walk to be with you.”

– If I had romantic updates and I could be as lame as Justin I would get my name changed to Lustin, move to a farm in France, learn it’s not ok to be an American, and have villagers kick my face in after failing to pick up the goat milking girl…… with lines from a Hugh Grant movie. All while your friends list has dropped from 235 to 2; i.e. Mom and Dad are your last two friends. And the only reason they’re still friends with you is because they’re old and have no idea how to use the de-friend option on Facebook.

April 13, 2010

Doble Stack

Filed under: Really? — Tags: — youneed2stop @ 4:51 pm

Justin ******* – “im so in love its crazy.i never thought it wud happen to me. a”

– Justin, drop your oven mitts and run to the bathroom . Now look in the mirror.  What do you see? Is it a man? Or a twink guy who likes Rom-Coms and going to brunch with the fellas? It’s really none of my business, but ya sound like a 12 year old girl named Justina who writes like the guy responsible for posting specials on fastfood signs.  Almost certain there’s an “O” and “L” in the word “wud”.

April 10, 2010

Ass Cars… A Wave Of The Future!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , — youneed2stop @ 1:29 am

Kelly ********* “hopes my car doesn’t smell like ass when i get in it after work…”

–Okay… well I’m guessing you’re either a slut (get banged in my car before work), have rectal troubles (pooped in your car before work) have friends who are pranking you (farting in your car while you’re at work) or you really love two girls one cup (a combination of both slut and rectal issues) either one of these could explain while you’re car smells like Ass.  I mean I could go on, but I’m going to run to my car and fart in it.

April 8, 2010

The Calendar Updater

Filed under: Shut Up — Tags: , , , — youneed2stop @ 8:01 pm


Helenna ****** – “building websites, making pitch packages, and drinking chai….awesome day ahead!!!”

– I love it when people post their gay-ily planners on Facebook. How else would we know that our lives don’t suck as bad as we think? People in 30 year comas seem to be living a better life than…… (I should end this sentence here). Quick note to The Calendar Updater: this kind of update is only interesting to you and nobody else. If you don’t believe me then read a couple of your updates to a blind man/woman. See if they don’t beat you silly stupid with that red and white cane of theirs.

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