Status Updates From Idiots

February 12, 2010

This is just… oh man, just terrible.

Filed under: Uncategorized — youneed2stop @ 12:42 am

Ly ************ “Woke up this morning feeling Like PShitty!!!i hopped out of bed took a look in da mirror and puked up!!! Now I have to try and get me swag on !!! Lol last night X)”

–Okay first off, Soulja Boy does not need to be spoofed.  He already makes fun of himself.  Second, the last “sentence” you have, after the obligatory 3 exclamation points, makes me so angry I want to punch your computer AND your cell phone, because I can only imagine what your texts are like.  I really feel bad for the girls you’ve attempted to text or instant message over the years, I bet their computers are just as pissed!

February 11, 2010

Perfect As F**k

Filed under: Shut Up — youneed2stop @ 6:27 pm

Kimberly ****** – “Sure to be a busy weekend ~ Lotsa fun stuff planned. And spent with my two favorite people. I’m so blessed to have such a wonderful boyfriend, and such a beautiful daughter. Life is just about perfect.” 🙂

– Do you know what else would make life even more perfect? By replacing “boyfriend” with “husband” so your kid can have a Dad and rewriting this quote in all CAPS followed by 50 smiley faces. :9

February 10, 2010


Filed under: Shut Up — Tags: , , , — youneed2stop @ 6:55 pm

Justin *********** – “as we grow up, we learn that even the one person who wasnt supposed to let you down, will. your heart will be broken you wil break hearts too so just remember how it felt when yours was the one that was broken. you will fight with your best friend, you will lose someone you love, so love like you have never been hurt …becuase every sixty second you spend upset is a minute of happiness you will never get back.”

– Finally someone has answered that age old question “What’s the meaning of life?”. Here I was reading the Kabbalah Bible, Dianetics (Ron L. Flubbart’s spaceship bible), and the Da Vinci Code trying my hardest to crack this million year old mystery. Well I’m glad to say my journey has come to an end. According to Justin the meaning of life is spending all your seconds on earth being happy. Religion? I was way off.

February 9, 2010

Play on Words Time!

Filed under: Uncategorized — youneed2stop @ 8:24 pm

Jaimee ********** “Mammoth bound…”

–Now for those who don’t know or do not live in California this could mean a few other things.  One, you just ate your weight at buffet.  Two, you’re anorexic and you just ate one too many pieces of gum.  Three, you are at a new Jurassic Park and they have a Wooley Mammoth area.  I’m obviously hoping for option 3!

February 8, 2010

That’s Super

Filed under: Really? — Tags: , — youneed2stop @ 6:21 pm

Shay ************** – “I am trying so hard to get out of this slump…. Depression is eatin at me. I wish I could go back to when I was a little girl and didn’t have to deal with life and the decissions I have made. I can’t do this anymore. I realized I have to be in reality though and become the amazing person I’m meant to be. I am over all… the shitty selfish people that where in my life. Including drugs. It ruins my life and my morals. I just need my friends right now to help push me though this depression. Rehab here I come again…..”

– awwww ohhhhh Shay, I bet you did some dirty stuff for those drugs…. didn’t ya? It all starts out with your boyfriend leaving you for another girl, you go out and have revenge sex with some gnarly looking dude. The same ole story of a broken record, except this broken record is super duper f**ked up. Smash cut to: 20 unprotected Johns, 15 smack needles, 10 sheets of acid later and the pain still lingers. Time to update my facebook status. :9

February 3, 2010

You Suck At Smiling

Filed under: comedy — Tags: , , , , , , — youneed2stop @ 6:34 pm

Katie ******* – “I’m practicising a super hero smile…but it keeps looking more stalker like. haha”

– WTHeck? Stalker is to smiling as Pat Robertson is to gay rights in Haiti. They just don’t go together. If anything stalkers look like they just ate a big batch of frownies more than give off a creepy smile. And as far as your super hero smile goes, well it sounds like God didn’t smile on you when passing out smiles. Lastly, I’m sure you’re aware of this, but the internet can also be used as a dictionary just in case you come across some real brain busters like “practicing”.

February 2, 2010

Don’t Kill Anyone Please!

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , — youneed2stop @ 8:14 pm

Justin ************ “i dont belive in god or jesus christ anymore. i dont need friends to validate my life anymore.”

–Did this dude take lines from the Columbine shooters and use it as his Facebook status?  Holy jeez, someone report this dude to the cops.  That being said, God and Jesus Christ kind of want their name to be capitalized in all print.  Hate to burst your bubble there Justin, but that’s kind of a rule set forth by the Associated Press.

February 1, 2010

Hide Your Dogs

Filed under: Uncategorized — youneed2stop @ 7:47 pm

Amber*************** –  “I feel so sorry the neighbor’s hunting dogs!! It’s way too cold! They have been barking way too long! Wish I could go put them out of their mysery!”

–  What if internet sex predators updated their status with “Wish I could meet a nice sexy underage teenager”? Ya see what I’m getting at here Amber, not every thought needs to broadcasted….. especially psychotic fantasies. Which makes me believe this update will someday be used as evidence in the case of the Dognapping Bandit.

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