Status Updates From Idiots

December 15, 2009

Good Kate Hunting

Filed under: comedy — youneed2stop @ 8:05 am

Katie ******** – “When it all comes down to molecules and atoms, what will be left? Neils Bohr gave us energy levels in which to operate, but Heisenberg gave us the uncertainty to move elsewhere. To be chaotic. To be, in essence, free to do the unexpected. John Calvin would not have approved. Things are no longer the dualistic, confinin…g either/or, but have now become both/and. Archtypes. Complementarity. Relativity. It’s thrilling.”

– Here’s an even better status update: “People who update their Facebook status with notes from science class need to find another way of telling everyone how smart they think they are….. for example: keep your f**kin’ mouth shut!” Newsflash Toots: “You’re Not Will Hunting”. However, I bet you’d make a great Custodial Engineer. Not to mention he has the IQ of a rocket scientist; Your IQ is a thousand notches below that of a retarded ant. I’m pretty sure Neils Bohr, Werner Heisenberg, and John Calvin would collectively nod and approve of my Smart Theory; then call you a stupid H-O-E to your face. :9

December 14, 2009

Just. Plain. Awful.

Filed under: Uncategorized — youneed2stop @ 10:33 pm

Bridget ************** “Having the shits at an airport sucks” 😦

–Really? Did you think this was funny?  I just threw up on my computer.  My day is ruined.

OH CINDY! OH CINDY!

Filed under: Uncategorized — youneed2stop @ 7:21 pm

Cindy ******** – “im afraid that im going to end up alone and i just found out that eddie has been cheating on me for the last 3 months with some girl in ************ whos boyfriend shot her in september”

– WTF Cindy? What did you do to Eddie to drive him into the arms of some bullet riddled bar hyde? As far as you ending up alone, chances are that nobody will ever talk to you again….. EVER! You’ll be the laughing stock of everyone. People will whisper: Cindy, the girl who lost Prince Eddie to a trailer park Trick. Cindy, the girl who became unpoppular out of nowhere and now has a house, barn, garage, tree house and storm cellar filled with cats. In other words you’re going to end up being the crazy cat lady and Eddie will live happily ever after.

December 8, 2009

End Of Days

Filed under: Really? — Tags: , , , , , , — youneed2stop @ 6:11 am

Melinda **** – “War will bring more War… Are the prophecies coming true?”

– If in prophecies you mean that war has been around since the dawn of man, then absolutely your question is valid. However I have a better question; do these prophecies also include the animal kingdom? Bears and Wolverines are always killing each other and people over land, food, and protecting their babies. You can’t go in the water without some faggy shark bitting your calves and feet off. And you can’t fly on a plane without a flock of terroristic seagulls flying into the propellers. If you’re right then we’re all f**ked!

December 3, 2009

Soul Sucker!

Filed under: comedy — Tags: , — youneed2stop @ 6:06 pm

Rob ******** – is “As each day goes by I wonder to myself where has my soul gone. I don’t know what is happening to me but it feels like the walls are closing in on me.”

–  What in the big blue f**k are you talking about? No wonder your soul wants to get the hell outta dodge you’re nuttier than squirrel shit man. What did you think was going to happen when you posted this disturbingly hilarious update? A life changing epiphany would appear in the “What’s On Your Mind” section? Now I’m not sure about your soul or these “walls” you speak of, but I’m a million times certain that your ass belongs in a padded cell, wearing not 1 but 2 straight jackets, sucking red jello from a bowl.

December 1, 2009

Oh Love!

Filed under: Uncategorized — youneed2stop @ 9:38 pm

Anne ************ “Is it possible to fall in Love with the wrong person???”

–I’m pretty sure there’s a lot you can do with the wrong person.  Falling in the love is the least of your worries.  How about trusting him when he says he just keeps a chainsaw in his living room for ice sculptures or when a gay says he is really into fashion, but not gay.  Come on!  Fall in love with whoever, that shit doesn’t matter.

Path To Idiotsville

Filed under: Shut Up — Tags: , , — youneed2stop @ 5:35 pm

Jamie ******** – is “so many paths to take but which is the right one?how am i supposed to make that decision?lookin forward to what my future holds.”

– Hmmm….. that’s a tough one. You know that picture of a man standing at a fork in the road, one path narrow the other wide? Yeah, people like you have a special hidden path that’s not shown in the “Life’s Important Decisions” picture. The forbidden path is only revealed to those who chant Bon Jovi’s “It’s My Life”, while zigging Gargamel’s magical (smurf-killing) wand in an X,Y,Z pattern. In other words if that dude in the picture turned around and walked back the way he came, that would be your path. And if your backwards path leads you to a cliff, keep walking, cause ain’t nothing gonna stand in your way.

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