Status Updates From Idiots

October 30, 2009

Days Upon Days…

Filed under: Uncategorized — youneed2stop @ 7:20 pm

Bianca ************ “one more day!!!!!! woooooo hooooooo!!!!! 😀 😀 :D”

–In one day what will happen?  Is this some crappy movie trailer about the world ending again?  We get it, the world blows up, Dennis Quaid steps in and saves it.  The Emoticons weren’t really necessary, we get it.

October 29, 2009

Ultimate Funeral

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: , , , , , , , — youneed2stop @ 3:16 am

Kahla ************* – is “when i am taking my last breaths on this earth, will i wish i had more money and investments? or will i wish i had spent more time with my kids”

– Hands down your money and investments. Throw yourself an Ultimate Funeral. Think about it, instead of a wake you could have some sort of Seafood Buffet (your favorite) where your kids will be fed properly. Instead of a funeral service you could have a sick Power Hour (which your kids would also enjoy) where all the guests could get loaded off premium beer and liquor. Oh and did I mention the theme would be Tropical? Everybody wears white and yellow, fake palm trees, goofy goggles, and a school bus with a built in pool and slide. I mean the possibilites are endless and not only would you be going out in style, but your Kids might just say: “Our Mom was the shit!”

October 28, 2009

DebtSettlement.com

Filed under: Uncategorized — youneed2stop @ 8:15 pm

Sandy *********** “It’s payday for the unemployed……….yes! Off to Puma to get these sweet kicks then Tiffanys!”

–Other things to do with your unemployment check.  Pay off your debt, spend it on rent, maybe buy some groceries, perhaps put some in the bank to gain some interest… alternate choices, buy Puma sneakers, buy jewelry, go to a strip club buffet lunch… I hope you get a blister.

The Universe and Me

Filed under: Really? — Tags: , — youneed2stop @ 1:29 am

Jamie ********* – “Believing that the universe provides me and my family with prospects for good fortune.also that i am ready to accept an take advantage of the opportunitites presented to me.had a talk with a wonderful person today thanks for wise words of wisdom.”

– What the F**k have you done for the Universe lately? Do you think that the Universe goes around handing out good fortune to everybody? I don’t think so.  You see I spoke with the Universe today and “IT” told me that “IT” doesn’t like you. “IT” also told me that your idea of wisdom comes from trying to read the entire “W” section of the Encyclopedia Britannica, while sipping hot tea and eating corn cakes. So here’s some true words of wisdom: go to your roof and start flapping your arms like a bird, run in circles like a dog, and huff like an elephant. Then jump…. let’s see how high you can fly!

October 27, 2009

You Suck

Filed under: Please Stop Talking — Tags: , , , , — youneed2stop @ 7:20 am

Amy ******** –  “L-is for the way you look at me O-is for the only one I see V-is very very, extraordinary E-is even more than anyone that you adore LOVE for the BIG D.” 🙂

–  Y – is for I can tell You’re not good at anything  O – is for Oh my goodness I didn’t know you did fun favors for money  U – is for Uranus and the planet I wished you lived on  S – is for Sorry about backhanding yo’ll trick ass  U – is for Utah and you’re Ugly  C – is for I just Caught a sick Cat eating a Carrot while wearing a winter Coat  K – is for Keep writing updates that we adore. YOU SUCK Big A! :9

October 26, 2009

You’re Not Romantic!

Filed under: Please Stop Talking — Tags: , , , , , — youneed2stop @ 4:25 am

Sam ********* – is “When I say, “I love you,” it’s not because I want you or because I can’t have you. It has nothing to do with me. I love what you are, what you do, how you try. I’ve seen your kindness and your strength. I’ve seen the bes…t and the worst of you. And I understand with perfect clarity exactly what you are.”

– Oh Gawd! I can only imagine what this jackass was thinking when he wrote this: “I know what I’ll do…. I’ll write down my true feelings for my girlfriend. F**k keeping this magical love poem private, I’m going to serenade her with it over a Tweet and Facebook update.  I’m the best boyfriend ever!” I bet this dumbass also goes around telling people that he’s a lover and not a fighter. Hey A.C. Slater, do us all a favor and nut up, tell your retarded monkey poem to your girlfriend’s face. The rest of us would rather contract gonorrhea to the eyes than read this incoherient butt spew again.

October 23, 2009

You Go Boy

Filed under: Uncategorized — Tags: — youneed2stop @ 5:07 am

Brandon ******** – “thinks finding his place is harder than he thought. There is no comfort in lonliness.”

– Hey guys here’s a great way to attract a girl, tell everybody you know that you’re LONELY. F’ing genius!  If I know anything about the ladies is that they love a guy who is heavily depressed and has the self esteem of a bulimic high school girl. Knock ’em dead tiger…… you’re going to need a big bat to fight off all that hot butt you’re about to pull.

October 22, 2009

That’s Why We’re In a Recession

Filed under: Uncategorized — youneed2stop @ 5:43 pm

Mandy ************ – “Thinks the process of buying a house is insane! Really!”

— It used to be pretty easy but then everyone had a house without putting money down, soon when their mortgages were twice as much as their monthly income, they started foreclosing on these houses.  Now everyone is screwed and we don’t have any money, and China has started to claim parts of Florida and California as their own.  And that kids is the rousing story of Little Freddie Mac and Little Fannie Mae’s adventures in destroying America… YAY!

I’ve Lost My Way…

Filed under: Uncategorized — youneed2stop @ 5:35 pm

Jay*******-

“share.breath.believe.love.live.remember.share.express.share.breath.believe.love.live.remember.share.express.feel.smile.peace.together… that pretty much sums it up”

— I.know.words.too.thanks.for.telling.me.more.of.them… that pretty much subtracts it up.

You’re The Absolute Worst

Filed under: You think we care? — Tags: , , — youneed2stop @ 4:29 pm

Michelle **** – is “who needs old friends?? i guess we are just a waste of time? been replaced! damn me! i suck bitches!

– I don’t know what I would do without all of my old friends. They’ve always been there for me, even when I lost my virginity and cried all night while hugging my Pillow Pal, Mr. Sandman. Actually, the thought of not having my old friends around has seriously put suicidal thoughts in my head. I imagine this is what O-Town must feel like. Bless your little lamb heart Michelle. You really are the worst!

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